Post Format: Chat

Abbott: Strange as it may seem, they give ball play­ers nowa­days very pecu­liar names.

Costello: Funny names?

Abbott: Nicknames, nick­names. Now, on the St. Louis team we have Who’s on first, What’s on sec­ond, I Don’t Know is on third–

Costello: That’s what I want to find out. I want you to tell me the names of the fel­lows on the St. Louis team.

Abbott: I’m telling you. Who’s on first, What’s on sec­ond, I Don’t Know is on third–

Costello: You know the fel­lows’ names?

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: Well, then who’s play­ing first?

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: I mean the fel­low’s name on first base.

Abbott: Who.

Costello: The fel­low playin’ first base.

Abbott: Who.

Costello: The guy on first base.

Abbott: Who is on first.

Costello: Well, what are you askin’ me for?

Abbott: I’m not ask­ing you–I’m telling you. Who is on first.

Costello: I’m ask­ing you–who’s on first?

Abbott: That’s the man’s name.

Costello: That’s who’s name?

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: When you pay off the first base­man every month, who gets the mon­ey?

Abbott: Every dol­lar of it. And why not, the man’s enti­tled to it.

Costello: Who is?

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: So who gets it?

Abbott: Why should­n’t he? Sometimes his wife comes down and col­lects it.

Costello: Who’s wife?

Abbott: Yes. After all, the man earns it.

Costello: Who does?

Abbott: Absolutely.

Costello: Well, all I’m try­ing to find out is what’s the guy’s name on first base?

Abbott: Oh, no, no. What is on sec­ond base.

Costello: I’m not ask­ing you who’s on sec­ond.

Abbott: Who’s on first!

Costello: St. Louis has a good out­field?

Abbott: Oh, absolute­ly.

Costello: The left field­er’s name?

Abbott: Why.

Costello: I don’t know, I just thought I’d ask.

Abbott: Well, I just thought I’d tell you.

Costello: Then tell me who’s play­ing left field?

Abbott: Who’s play­ing first.

Costello: Stay out of the infield! The left field­er’s name?

Abbott: Why.

Costello: Because.

Abbott: Oh, he’s cen­ter field.

Costello: Wait a minute. You got a pitch­er on this team?

Abbott: Wouldn’t this be a fine team with­out a pitch­er?

Costello: Tell me the pitcher’s name.

Abbott: Tomorrow.

Costello: Now, when the guy at bat bunts the ball–me being a good catcher–I want to throw the guy out at first base, so I pick up the ball and throw it to who?

Abbott: Now, that’s he first thing you’ve said right.

Costello: I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT!

Abbott: Don’t get excit­ed. Take it easy.

Costello: I throw the ball to first base, who­ev­er it is grabs the ball, so the guy runs to sec­ond. Who picks up the ball and throws it to what. What throws it to I don’t know. I don’t know throws it back to tomorrow–a triple play.

Abbott: Yeah, it could be.

Costello: Another guy gets up and it’s a long ball to cen­ter.

Abbott: Because.

Costello: Why? I don’t know. And I don’t care.

Abbott: What was that?

Costello: I said, I DON’T CARE!

Abbott: Oh, that’s our short­stop!